This is Radio Yerevan.

Our listeners ask us: “Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?”
We answer: We don’t answer questions related to terrorism.

Our listeners ask us: “Is it true that in Berkeley—”
We answer: Yes. Yes it is.

Our listeners ask us: “Can Leninism succeed in America?”
We answer: In principle, yes, once Steve Bannon returns from exile to resume his rightful place on the NSC.

Our listeners ask us: “What is the most permanent feature of the administration’s immigration policy?”
We answer: Temporary travel bans.

Our listeners ask us: “What do the directors of federal agencies have in common with the homeless and unemployed?”
We answer: They are all uncertain about their next day.

Our listeners ask us: “What should I do if a federal employee takes a seat at the bar beside me and starts to sigh?”
We answer: Demand he stop bashing the President at once.

Our listeners ask us: “What methods do Deep State leakers use in their subversive work against the White House?”
We answer: You can find our SecureDrop under ‘Contact Us’ on our homepage.

This is Radio Yerevan.

Our listeners ask us: “Is it true that a wall is to be built to separate Mexico from America?”
We answer: No, it’s not true. It will be built to separate America from Mexico.

Our listeners ask us: “Will ICE still exist when the wall is built?”
We answer: Of course not. By then all non-citizens will have learned how to deport themselves.

Our listeners ask us: “What is chaos?”
We answer: We do not comment on ongoing FBI investigations.

Our listeners ask us: “What should we do if the northern borders of the US were opened?”
We answer: Rush to Florida at once so as not to be crushed in the stampede.

Our listeners ask us: “Is it true that there are two kinds of people serving in the House and the Senate?”
We answer: Yes, it is true. One kind is those not capable of anything at all, and the other, those capable of anything whatsoever.

Our listeners ask us: “What is an exchange of opinions?”
We answer: When you walk into the Oval Office with your viewpoint and leave with Steve Bannon’s.

Our listeners ask us: “How have you been faring in the dog-eat-dog environment of the US political media?”
We answer: Radio Yerevan has been banned from the White House press pool.